~ This Is Who I Am ~

hmm just an update?...

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 21:28:41 GMT

so its been quite the little span of time since i last made myself sit still long enough on here to post anything.. guess thats just me though, i never keep these things up to date, shouldn't expect anything different. I suppose if you really want to know whats going on with me you should just come talk to me... ahh well..

So life is really good these days, i'm happy. And in a really good mood today. It was a good weekend. Saturday i made some candles for the dumb girl scout thing, which i need oodles of money grrr, then Owen came down and we hung out for a lil bit. Sunday was soccer day in bangor, we had a scrimmage for practice. it was tons of fun, at least i thought so anyway. Got to meet the girls going, of whom i knew like 4 before hand, we played, got uniforms, it was good. And now i'm totally psyched for the trip.. well i'm really looking forward to washington with my hebrew school class and other confirmation classes and high school kids from all over the US. Should be tons of fun. Dad is the only chaperone, but ya know that really doesn't bother me at all.. kind of fun actually. So i leave for that on friday morning... home for three days and then off again.. after that threres nothing going on, but take in all the fun you can get while it lasts.

Grades closed already.. crazy quick year. ahh grades, gotta love em, expept not.. oh well its all good.

I really have nothing to write about but i'm in a really good mood today, hmm can't complain about it though :)

Things with Owen are really good too.. always nice to know.

last night on the phone with shem i found us having to actually literally schedual time to talk to each other, like phone time when i wasn't gone or doing something. Made me feel kind of bad, and realize how things are different and we are both more seperate and doing our own thing now, cept we are still close as anything and would do anything to hang out.. so things are still good.. actually as soon as school gets out it looks like i'm headed to Georgia to see her for a couple weeks. That should be tons of fun, and since its still june the heat wont be so bad, just tolerable.

Love you guys... ya know i care

eh just reading through journals

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 15:53:57 GMT

What color are you? (Anime Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

so i'm blue, who would have thunk it..

Moving on with life... lets see...

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:00:20 GMT

So the other night.. yeah that may have been a little more than over the top.. but i felt incredibly bad, and i knew he wasn't so much as mad as he felt hurt. And dad was screaming at me, first to get off the phone, and then the computer.. but yeah, the trivial things that we spend our time and emotions focused on. And obviously I acn take just as much blame for doing it as everyone else. We wallow in what goes wrong all the time, the little things that mess up, the small inconvieneces and occurances we don't quite agree with. Yet how many people really do have it so much worse. And i'm not saying this to just sound like our parents when your wasting food, or again your parents when your whining about something, but its the truth. So many people out there that need help, and so many capable others who just won't give it. I guess sometimes i just think about that, how many people could be helped except no one will actually do it, or organize it, or pay for it to be done. For such a " great and powerful" nation in this world we sure as hell don't do to much... no, thats not true, i'm lying we do help.. but it never feels like enough. It never will, because there will always be the third-world countries that dont have enough food or medical attention. But you know why we all look it over and focus on ourselves and the problems of those around us? Its gotta be because we know we can actually do something about those. The things we can control, and fix. Maybe thats what i will do for a while when i'm older, join like the peace Corp. or something and go somewhere and help.. I always thought that would be cool.
But anyways, yes things are good with me... nothing so exciting, just life as usual, which is good, cuz that means theres nothing bad going on ;) Went to hebrew High last night, and got to see some of my favorite people! oo so fun.. i sure am gonna miss it.. you guys, we get confirmed in June *tear* But first we get to take over D.C.! so much fun to be had you guys.. o and we're gonna go dance clubbin! But i'll fill ya in later. On Saturday night we're throwing a huge ole Burning partay! Should be so much fun.. but i don't think i'm gonna be able to make it guys... so you'll have to burn without me.. but we'll see, nothings finalized yet..
Oh, and the book discussion the other night at school, was so much fun! Does that make me some kinda geek?haha :)

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 03:51:22 GMT

I almost lost it tonight( not the relationship, but mentally, emotionally, at least a lil bit)..not so bad as many people.. but for that split second i came close.. so scared for a minute. I heard the tone behind his voice, and i could just picture the pain in his eyes, and the look on his face..
It'll be three months tomorrow.. so sweet, wonderful amazing three months... and of course.. something, me, had to blemish it. And it was my fault my stupidity.. But he says its okay, he's happy chipper, and we talked about it. So its okay now.. doesn't make me feel any better though.. but then again, it teaches me something. Right now, i don't have enough energy to stay here and explain it.. but i will.. just not right now. And i know your reading this.. so I love you, and you know it, and life is good.

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 14:11:59 GMT

My weekend was really good. Friday night was spent at my house lounging around in my bball warmup pants and a sweatshirt, just being lazy. Then he came over for a while, we watched Gladiator...good movie by the way.. and we constantly boxed in and stared at by the paretnts. But thats fine, it was fun, i enjoyed it, and besides its spending time with him anyway. Who cares if there are other people around sometimes, its nice to interact with others.
Saturday i was as lazy as i could be.. besides shoveling snow that is. I slept in, ate a huge breakfast, shoveled out the office,layed around till about 3 when the final decision was made about the trek to bangor; The weather really wasn't that bad so we were all going to go to the show. We ate at the Happy China Buffet, my first time there, it was good. Chinese.. yumm. Then we headed to the show. Ironically we ran into Mr. Hunnefeld and Josh and Nancy (his wife). ironic because we had been talking about him in the car on the way down. Talked to him for few minutes, caught up a bit.. he wanted to know all about the girls college plans. It was nice, i always liked him as an English teacher, and geez don't i wish i still had him this year. The show was amazing.. so good.. and I didn't sing out loud or dance to the songs like i said, but i was singing in my head :). Tevya was soo good.. it all was... very fun night girls! Got home at like 1.. and crashed.
Sunday was early to rise and early to bed.. soccer tourny in Hamden... so fun. We did soo bad, but it was fun. Saw Addriene, that was fun.. she didn't go to the soccer practice either, made me feel a little better. Good times... came home, talked to him.. such a good conversation too.. slept... which is always nice.

its the little things sometimes...

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 18:54:51 GMT

Its amazing to feel loved, it truely is.. and it doesn't take a lot to make someone feel like their loved... an email, a phone call, a hug, an im... simple little things...

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 21:28:00 GMT

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.
And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.
You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.
It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

just found it...

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 20:50:12 GMT

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

Do you guys think it fits?

Thoughtful.. about so many things.. and people

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 14:00:08 GMT

Wishing i could just write or even talk and let it all out, and express.. but then again.. i don't really know what i want need or am trying to express... so i suppose when i need to i'll be all set.

I always say i'm not thinking about anything.... ...

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 13:54:35 GMT

Do I not try hard enough? Or do I sometimes try to much? Because sometimes I really can't tell what i'm doing wrong or what i'm doing right, or just what i am doing in general.
I know i'm not the most open person. Quite frankly it takes a lot for someone to get hardly anything out of me, when they try. I've grown closed off within the past two years, accustomed to holding things in, keeping them to myself. Not bothering to take up other peoples busy and priceless time to listen to the small quandary of mine that really doesn't matter in the big spectrum. Its not so much that i dont trust people, well maybe i am a little reluctant at times because i know how humans in general not only teenagers tend to pass things on, whether with harmful intent or not. Humans and teenagers have that tendancy to to confide knowledge or questions in one another. Meaning that more often than not, someone besides the person you told does know. Not that i have ever done or plan to really do anything that i feel i need to hide or keep secret. I have nothing to hide. I just keep the majority of thoughts feelings and i guess sometimes opinions to myself. Its simpler that way, makes everything simpler. You can change your mind without getting the many unhappy and degrading looks of those who think you should have done otherwise. Besides, i have a good life. Who am i to be complaining or whining about small things that don't really have that big of an impact, when many people that i know, and millions that i don't have far bigger issues to face, and delemas to work through.
I've always been one to try and get people to open up to me, to share and express. You learn alot about people that way, and its always nice when you have someone to listen. I enjoy being that person i guess.. sometimes i dont sometimes i feel like switching it, but thats okay. I like being that person though, the one listening, being the comfort, support, shoulder to cry on, or giving the best advise i can muster. I suppose it just comes more natural to me that way.
Certainly in the past years i was very close and open with some people. I never seemed to worry about it in middle school or younger years. I had my friends and that was that, they got to know everything. At least for the past two years that has been far from true. Even more than the close relationships with friends was the that of my sister. I can vividly remember bits and peices of the late night talks we used to love to have. And getting caught by mom and 1AM on a school night. Even those dwindled, and are now perhaps not completely dead because all the same feelings and understanding is there, but the communication and even more than that the time has disappeared. She always has and probably still does know me better than anyone. She was my closest confidant. She's headed to Georgia in a day or so.
I'm not really sure where all this is comming from. Most likely that conversation i had with him last night. Its not as though i'm choosing to shut myself out, its more as though i merely have nothing to say, and yet i'm sure i do.. but i can think about it on my own time, and deal with it on my own. So why not just be the one to listen? Maybe i don't really know how to express myself all the time, but why bother trying if i don't even feel that it matters or is of any importance... theres no point in bothering. This is all mere observation and thought....

Then comes being articulate enough expressing myself, which doesn't happen. Its all perfectly clear to me in my mind, and i know what and why i think and feel, but as soon as I begin speaking i wish i could just hit rewind and not have even started trying, because it becomes incomprehensible nonsense that it seems no one can understand including myself sometimes. And its just not the same and no use to go back and have to re explain yourself.. it deminishes it. But its no big deal, not a problem.. just thoughts.. i can deal with it.

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 14:08:54 GMT

This rom is alway soo cold in the morning.. the whole school is.
We brought Papa home last night. It was so reasurring to see the color in his face and that he appeared to be in no great discomfort or pain anymore. It was nice.. he was relaxing on one end of the couch, with his arm wrapped around me, mom was on the other end of the couch and jed was in the comfy lazy chair. We all just sat there and talked.. enjoying the fact that he was home, and alright. As i sat there I listened for his heart beat, I heard it, and was once more reasurred and relieved. He won't be going back to work for a month, at least thats the plan, And he's already driving my mother crazy!lol

My wrist was only sprained.. which is good. I knew it wasn't broken. They wanted to be sure. So i'm good to go for tonight... Cougars better keep up this streak we're on!!! Here we go girls.. we're hungry for another win!

I'm out of time for not.. at least in this class.. so i'll write more later... there is lots more to come... i have hardly begun to share.....

-- Should I go or Should I stay??? --

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 14:08:49 GMT

Good Grief I hate decisions.. I really really do! I can't make them... that's the problem! All of you that have known me for any length of time,you know thats the truth. So anyway girls, heres the dilemma. and I need help by the end of the day today!!
February break... tourny! Our guys are going to do well.. very excited bout that, and pep band, Should be tons and tons of fun. February break.. also February Institute for NFTY. Tons of amazing times with all my jewish friends that I only see a few times a year. Its in Mass. and its about four days long. Lots of singing, learning and having amazing times with people I will never forget. I've met so many amazing people at these Jewish youth group events... and this is a chance to get to see all of them, well only some of them, but you get the point. If i choose to go to Insti. then i would be leaving on the Wednesday of break week and returning on sunday night at somepoint. Its going to cost me about $250 plus the night in Boston on Wednesday. Its actually cheaper than most of the other institutes, but still i'm trying to save money.. mom and dad are willing to pay, but still....
However if i go i miss the end of tourny. If our guys make it to finals or that far in then I'll be missing the pep band, watching our guys play in Bangor, and being there to watch and cheer for Owen. Plus. isn't the one act going to be rehearsing with Powers that week? I dunno what to do guys.. like i said i hate decisions... any thoughts are welcome..please!

finally checkin back in.. lol

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 14:09:53 GMT

well so much for keeping this thing up to date. I'm just as bad at keeping track of this one as i am at writing in my regular journal! lol o well. So anyways life these days... lets see....
I'm sitting in comp. lit having just finished the midterm.. i'm wicked tired.. one of these days my goal is to get to bed before 10. lets see if that happens anytime soon. I sure hope so!:) Besides the current lack of sleep my life isn't bad. Theres basketball... yeah not gonna get into that much at the moment cuz i have about two minutes before the bell rings so i'm gonna have to come back in later. Theres owen, thats good too. :) lol but i'll talk to ya'll later... luvs
Oh yeah.. and the pep bands playin tonight.. so thats fun too!

-- The Truth --

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 16:06:41 GMT

The truth is... I'm on the cusp and that is why I am only 53 % of both. Kinda weird though. huh... who knew!

-- Half & Half --

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 16:05:26 GMT

You are 53% Sagittarius

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

-- Not so Scorpio --

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 16:03:05 GMT

You are 53% Scorpio